Cutting the Umbilical Cord
As men, many of us carry invisible emotional cords that tie us to our mothers in ways that can be subtle but deeply impactful. These connections, often formed during childhood and left unresolved, can prevent us from fully stepping into our own power and maturity as adults. Whether we realize it or not, this energetic attachment affects not just our relationships with women, but every area of our lives, including how we show up at work and in leadership positions.
Have you ever sat during a dinner where both your mother and girlfriend are holding your hands?
At our retreats, one of the key focuses is helping men release these invisible ties—specifically in the context of the Lover archetype. This archetype, which represents our capacity for deep connection and love, often requires us to do the hard work of cutting these energetic cords in order to move forward. The intention behind this experience is simple: to help men evolve past childhood dependencies and create relationships built on mutual respect, love, and gratitude, rather than neediness or unconscious attachment.
My Story of Being Raised like a Gentleman
As a young boy, I was always told to be a gentleman, to be the kind of man who opens doors, speaks with respect, and honors women. My mother, in her own way, instilled this idea in me. In my mind, I felt she had raised me to be a better man than her experiences brought her —more attentive, more considerate, more refined. Looking back, I realize that this program she planted in me was rooted in her desire for me to be the kind of man she thought I should be. But as I grew older, I started to see that this was also a subtle form of emotional conditioning.
There was this deep drive in me to be the idealized "gentleman"—not just for the women in my life, but also to fulfill the unspoken expectations my mother had set for me. I carried this ideal with me for many years, even into my work and leadership roles. I wanted to be the kind of man who could always be counted on, the one who could "save the day" when others were in need. This played out in a rather unconscious way, especially in my professional life. I remember working with a female manager in a company I consulted for. I found myself slipping into a similar pattern. I wanted to be her protector, to "fix" things for her, and I didn’t want to let her down. But, as time went on, I began to notice something wasn’t right. She would often use emotional manipulation—testing my limits, pushing me to be the perfect man she needed. I was still playing the role of the gentleman who never let anyone down, but I wasn’t doing it for the right reasons.
My Experience
I have pre-tested the rights of passage before our retreat. At home I tied a red rope around my stomach for a day, walking, working, running and showering with it. Then creating a ceremony for myself, to write a letter to my mom, burn it and consequently cut the umbilical cord. The immediate sensation of freedom, inner power and new beginnings was profound and transformative. Suddenly, the weight I had been carrying for years seemed to lift. The anxiety and fear that had once dictated my choices faded, replaced by a newfound sense of self-assurance.
I created a ritual of cutting the umbilical cord. I visualized severing this old emotional attachment to my mother’s expectations and, in doing so, I reclaimed my power. I allowed myself to feel the strength, freedom, and confidence that followed. Suddenly, the weight I had been carrying for years seemed to lift. The anxiety and fear that had once dictated my choices faded, replaced by a newfound sense of self-assurance.
The results were immediate and profound. I started to show up in my life with more clarity and authenticity. My relationships, both personal and professional, shifted in a way I hadn’t anticipated. During the work meeting I was able to argue better and felt that the power dynamics has completely shifted. With my mom, I felt like I am no longer the young boy but a man who is now discovering a whole new relationship that needs to be sort of build from the scratch.
Key points
We all have some kind of “mother wound”, as a kid we have no sovereignty, our mom equals god, and we are being loved conditionally we feel based on what our mom likes you to do, we are also absorbing all her traumas and relationships to the other men, raised on diet of love & praise and discipline & punishment which can lead us to being manipulated or manipulate our partners later in life.
Any man who is not direct with women, not being able to tell her how he feels, is being fearful to be himself, to take the ownership to step into the world fully.
The power of the right of passages is to make it clear that we are no longer at disposal to our mom, we have to create new relationship with her, and free ourselves for other women.
By doing this work, you’ll not only heal your own heart but also open the door to deeper, more fulfilling relationships. The transition from boy to man is not always easy, but it’s one of the most important steps we can take as men, not only for ourselves but for those we love and lead.
It’s time to cut the cord, stand on your own two feet, and create the life you deserve. The power to heal and grow is within you. Take that first step.
